Tales of Turnadette
by RogueSnitch
Summary: Sequel to 'Lost Keys and Potted Plants'. Valerie discovers that the Turners have not always been quite as discreet as they think and gleefully seeks out anecdotes to confirm this. Surely this can't backfire?


**This story is a sequel to Lost Keys and Potted Plants, is equally as silly and picks up where the latter left off. Massive thanks to Weshallc for just generally being a superb human being. Small recap of the end of the last story follows (because even I couldn't remember).**

* * *

"_Shelagh was telling me stories about everyone else's mishaps with herself and Dr Turner. You know, to make me feel better."_

_Trixie smiled, and screwed the lid back on to the polish, deciding her attention was better focused elsewhere. "Well, Valerie. You better get yourself comfortable for round two."_

"_Come again?"_

"_I think that it's only fair that I carry on where Shelagh left off." Her grin was mischievous. "And tell you about all the times the Turners didn't realise that they had been seen or overheard."_

_Valerie just fell back on to her pillows and laughed._

* * *

Valerie propped herself up against the headboard with her pillows, "Trixie, I want to know everything!" She couldn't possibly make a statement like that and not follow through with details.

"Where to start?" Trixie pondered, "What do you fancy? Kisses at clinic? The Doctor's double entendres? African nights?"

"They all sound like trashy romance novels, Trixie!"

They were interrupted by a knock at the door, seconds before Phyllis appeared. "Sorry to interrupt ladies, I was just wondering how it went with Mrs Turner? Is all set to rights?"

Valerie smiled, feeling genuine relief. "Yes, everything is fine now. Thank goodness."

Trixie grinned and patted a space on her bed, indicating Phyllis should join them. "Perfect timing Phyllis, I was about to regale Valerie with the story of our first night in Africa, I'm sure you remember Graham."

"Graham?" Valerie echoed, confused.

Phyllis groaned, "How could I forget!" She sat down on Trixie's bed but looked pained, "You know I don't hold with gossip though." She stated firmly.

"It's alright, I think Shelagh might have told me her side of that particular story."

"Oh." Phyllis smiled conspiratorially, "Well then, I don't see the harm in my outlining events from my perspective."

* * *

"What was that?" Barbara bolted up right in her bed, "Did you hear that? It sounded like an animal!"

Trixie gasped, also sitting up, "An animal?" She pulled her blanket right up under her chin. "What sort of animal?"

"I can't tell." Barbara peered up over the frame of the window. "You don't think it's a big cat, do you?"

"Big cat?" Trixie exclaimed. "Barbara, I hope you mean a larger than average tabby cat and not a… a… tiger or something!"

"Oh, for Pete's sake." Phyllis gave up on trying to tune out her younger colleagues. "Trixie, the chances of a tiger prowling outside of our room are a trifle unlikely seeing as they live in Asia, not Africa. And Barbara, you'll hear a lot of unusual sounds here at night, none of which are going to spell out our doom. It's just a different environment is all."

There was silence in the room for a minute or two before Barbara declared, "That spider might well have spelled out our doom, if you'll recall." Her tone had a hint of smugness. "And anyway, there might not be tigers in Africa but there _are_ lions, Tom told me."

"Lions?" Trixie shrieked.

Phyllis sighed, "We are well protected here-" She was cut off by a rustling sound coming from outside of their bedspace. All three women froze momentarily before Phyllis bolstered her courage and made for the door.

"Where are you going?" Yelped Trixie as Barbara called, "Oh, do be careful, Phyllis!"

Poking her head out of the door she smiled at the face that greeted her. Feeling a bit of payback was in order, she called out, "Oh goodness, what sharp teeth!"

Hearing a commotion behind her, Phyllis laughed and turned her head back into the room, "It's just a goat, nothing to fret over." After an earful from each of her colleagues, she decided to chivvy the goat along, so they could all get some uninterrupted sleep.

Walking back into the room, Phyllis had hoped to find both ladies settling down. Much to her chagrin, they were now sitting on top of their blankets, smiling at her.

"We're not keeping him Phyllis." Trixie declared with a wink.

"I beg your pardon?" She turned around, "Oh heck. No, no, back out you go."

After three failed attempts to lose the goat, Phyllis put on her shoes and cardigan and decided to take a short walk around the hospital site in the hopes that the goat, now named Graham, would find something far more interesting than their hut.

She passed the clinical room and sighed, "The lack of electricity is going to take some adjusting to." Looking up at the stars blanketing the night sky, she smiled, "Still, plenty of light for us to go by, eh, Graham?"

She tutted at herself, "Why did I let Barbara name you? At this rate, you'll be boarding the boat home with us!"

Circling a few more buildings, with Graham dutifully keeping pace, Phyllis clapped eyes on the clinic's sole mode of transportation. A member of the Advanced Institute of Motorists, Phyllis was in no doubt that she could ably handle the vehicle, despite its apparent state of disrepair, but decided it wouldn't hurt to give it a closer inspection. Nearing the truck, she heard muffled voices and then a screech.

It sounded as though someone was in pain. Adrenaline kicking in, Phyllis rushed forward only to stop dead in her tracks when the screech turned into a giggle.

"What on earth?" She muttered to herself, slowly edging around to give herself a better vantage point.

"I found it, it's there! Look!" The voice belonged to Mrs Turner, but the tone was different from anything Phyllis had ever heard from her before. She sounded excitable like a child at Christmas. "Patrick look!"

Dr Turner was next to be heard when he laughed, "That's not _Capricornus, _love."

"It most certainly is."

Phyllis crouched by a bush and peeked around the edge, curiosity fully peeked. They were sitting on the back of the truck, backs propped up against the cab and pointing at the night sky. Not usually one for spying, she did feel an ounce of guilt but sometimes it was nice to see your friends and colleagues letting their hair down. That was something she had learnt since joining Nonnatus, and it wasn't often she'd seen this side of the Turners. Recent events had left them tired and drawn but seeing them in a moment of care-free indulgence warmed her. She allowed herself a few more seconds, their apparent joy was infectious.

Deciding it was time to let them be, she made to stand up but was stopped by a rustle behind her. She then felt the goat brush past, seemingly having lost interest, "Thank goodness." At least she could head back to bed now. Turning to make sure the Turners were still occupied with their stargazing so she could slip away unnoticed, Phyllis saw more than she bargained for, "Oh crikey!"

Where before they had been sat side by side, Mrs Turner was now straddling Dr Turner's lap and he seemed to be rather interested in her décolletage. "Well that escalated quickly," She muttered darkly to herself. Still, at least they were suitably distracted enough to cover her getaway. Standing up slowly and cursing her knees, Phyllis turned back towards the direction of her quarters. She moved softly but quickly, intent on escaping Mrs Turner's flirtatious giggles lest they were seared into her brain indefinitely.

Before rounding the corner and making her escape, she chanced a look back to ensure she had gone unseen. No longer tangled in a lovers embrace; the Turners were instead trying to shoo away a certain wayward goat.

"Oh, Graham." Phyllis said fondly, walking away to the echoes of Mrs Turner's now panicked voice,

"_Nice goat_."

* * *

The following morning, Phyllis felt surprisingly well rested, despite her late night wanderings, and was the first to sit down to breakfast. One by one her colleagues joined her and the table was alive with anticipation for the journey ahead. Conversations were for the most part focused on the day's schedule, until Trixie yawned dramatically.

"Tired already?" Tom asked with a smile.

Trixie chuckled, "You would be too, if you had the adventure we did last night!"

"Well that sounds ominous."

"It was actually quite funny. See, Barbara thought that a lion was trying to get into our room-"

"You did too, Trixie!" Barbara interrupted, blushing profusely at Tom's incredulous expression.

Trixie carried on without missing a beat, "-and Phyllis was really quite brave and faced down our would-be predator. Turns out it was just a goat!"

"A goat?" Shelagh echoed softly.

"Quite a tame one, too." Barbara added. "It certainly took a liking to Phyllis, she had to walk all over the site last night just to lose it."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mrs Turner freeze, spoon raised half way to her mouth as though the information was just sinking in and the pieces falling into place.

Phyllis bit back a smile, standing to clear her breakfast plate. "I think I shall go and give the clinical room a once over before we officially start our day, it always pays to be prepared, especially in a new environment."

She'd not long entered the clinical room when a shuffling behind her caught her attention. Not at all surprised to see Shelagh had followed her, Phyllis raised her eyebrows, "Finished your breakfast so soon, Mrs Turner?"

"I wasn't really hungry." The younger woman looked around helplessly, "I thought I might assist you."

"By all means."

Phyllis busied herself with an informal stock take and waited patiently for the inevitable. When a few minutes passed in almost silence, she chanced a look at her colleague and found her frowning into the sterilisation pot. "Oh heavens, is something amiss? We shall fall at the first hurdle if we've no sterilised utensils!"

Mrs Turner snapped her head up, startled, "No, everything is in working order."

"Marvelous." Phyllis smiled and was about to turn back to her task when Shelagh finally broached the subject.

"Nurse Crane, I'm afraid I must enquire as to your whereabouts last night as I fear I might owe you an explanation _and_ an apology."

She did so admire Mrs Turner's way with words, she took care to approach things in the correct manner. Phyllis imagined that had it been Trixie or Barbara she caught in a similar situation, she would have been met with a brazen confirmation of misbehaviour or a panicked apology. "If I happened to stumble across anything, well, let's just say, it isn't any of my business. _And_ I'm not in the business of passing judgement."

Shelagh nodded, though she didn't look at all relieved, "Right, thank you." She stood a little straighter, "I just wouldn't want you to suppose that I make a habit of acting so brazenly in public."

Phyllis thought back to the giggles and pure joy that she had seen exhibited the night before and thought it would be a shame for that to be stifled. "Mrs Turner, you are a married woman, in a foreign country with no children under foot. I see nothing wrong with taking advantage of that."

Her attempt at reassurance only served to make Shelagh look more uncomfortable, and Dr Turner exercised his knack of impeccable timing by walking in to catch the end. His eyes widened in an impressive likeness to his wife.

Phyllis decided to change tactics. They would be living in close quarters for a number of weeks and she didn't want either of them to spend another moment feeling awkward. Best way to nip embarrassment in the bud, put them on the defensive. This afterall, was an area that she excelled in.

"Having said that, I did think you and Dr Turner would have more common sense between you."

That caught Shelagh's attention, the blush was still high on her cheeks but there was an accompanying fire in her eyes. "I beg your pardon?"

Dr Turner only opened and closed his mouth a few times before clearly deciding that he hadn't been privy to enough of the conversation to weigh in.

"Frolicing in a public space is one thing, but to do so in an unknown environment where the local wildlife can be nothing if not ferocious is just asking for trouble. You are quite fortunate it was just a goat, and not a leopard." Like a wild animal, Phyllis then went for the jugular, "I had expected that I might have to keep a friendly eye on Barbara and Mr Herewood." She let the implication hang.

"Thank you Phyllis, for your concern but I'm sure keeping an eye, friendly or otherwise is quite unnecessary. As you say, Dr Turner and I are married and are quite capable of looking after our own welfare."

Phyllis smiled triumphantly, "Well then, we will say no more about it."

* * *

Valerie fell back onto her pillows as she gasped for breath. "Phyllis you are wicked!"

"Not wicked, Valerie." Trixie smiled, "Phyllis is absolutely a genius! Turning mortification into defensiveness so as not to stifle their relationship for the duration of the trip. It really is inspired."

"And kind." Val added warmly.

Phyllis waved her younger colleagues off, "Just experience and a basic grasp of psychology. Besides we were there to work and we all knew it wasn't going to be easy. Better to have everyone in the right frame of mind!"

Trixie smirked, "Well, we can all assume that your efforts in misdirection worked. It doesn't take a trained midwife to work out that little Teddy was conceived on foreign shores."

With that, Phyllis stood to leave, "I think we are getting firmly into grounds of speculation now, therefore I shall take my leave." She paused at the door, "Though, as we are midwives all. I will add, in a professional capacity, that you are undoubtedly correct."

As the door clicked shut, Val chuckled, "That was even better than Shelagh's version. Did you really think a lion would get in to your room?"

Trixie gave her a withering look and teased, "Valerie, it almost sounds as though you don't want to hear any more!"

Val sat up straight, "Oh, I do, I really do!"

Trixie smirked, "Good, because I have an excellent anecdote from back in the day! Shelagh was not long out of the habit, Timothy stood no taller than my elbow, and Dr Turner, well, let's just say he was prowling around like the cat that got the cream."


End file.
